absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
