Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
