i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
