I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
