By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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