Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
