And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
