new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I sprained my soul last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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