I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
