Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
