Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
