I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We named our party play list daddy issues
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
