we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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