a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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