why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
