Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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