if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
