i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
