I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
