I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
soo... how was my night?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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