i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
