she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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