My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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