after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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