She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
