You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
