Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
