I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
