When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You made out with two different species that night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
