tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
