I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
