I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
