Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
smell my finger.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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