I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
