Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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