The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
