i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
