i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I faked an abortion last night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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