We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im part way to drunk.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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