Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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