i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
