How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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