It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
