So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
