Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
