guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
