im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
