Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
