is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The air was thick with penises
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
