I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Im part way to drunk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
